Well, apparently it's not the modem. I don't know what it is. It's about to become shrapnel on the street after I throw my computer off the roof.
The IT Guy at work said that I might have some MALICIOUS SOFTWARE, whatever that means. He suggests I reinstall the whole operating system. That means that I have to TAKE OFF all of my pictures (does he realize how many I have???) and other important stuff I need to keep. I need about 48 more hours in this week.